


the way to you becomes flowery

by angeryshrimps



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Boys In Love, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Jeongcheol the idiot duo, Joshua the relationship counselor, Language of Flowers, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Mutual Pining, Oblivious Choi Seungcheol | S. Coups, Pining, Texting, Valentine's Day, bubble tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeryshrimps/pseuds/angeryshrimps
Summary: Jeonghan paused, thoughtful. “Actually, why don’t you come with me? We can pretend to be a couple and sneak in. For the free bubble tea, of course.”To Jeonghan, he wasn’t even worthy of being the week’s flavour. He was a last-minute substitute so the other could get free bubble tea instead of paying the five dollars. Seungcheol swallowed his pride and said, “Sure.”When it came to Jeonghan, he’d take anything he could get. And he’d be grateful for all of it, even if it was all fake.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups & Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	the way to you becomes flowery

**Author's Note:**

  * For [amazonqueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amazonqueen/gifts).



> happy borthday doyzee! ily u big baby
> 
> I know you like them pretty lines so I tried ok (but the crackhead energy was too strong to contain)
> 
> (title taken from Seventeen’s Very Nice)

Seungcheol harboured an extreme dislike for spirit weeks. He didn’t get them. He was dying from homework, assignments, and tests and probably had anxiety or depression or some combination of the two as a result of stress from university. And now said university wanted him to pretend he was totally happy and actually had a social life for a week?

He’d rather stay inside and spend what little free time he had worrying about his grades and watching trashy rom-coms, which he was definitely not doing because this week was Valentine’s Day and he wanted to distract himself from all the happy couples. Again, he didn’t get them. Probably (definitely) because he was a lonely single and their over-the-top PDA made him want to drown himself in a puddle of his own misery. It was a constant reminder that he didn’t have a chance with his crush. It was like a bucket of cold water hitting him in the face every morning, waking him up from whatever dreams he’d been having and snapping Seungcheol back to reality. It was like a huge, neon billboard with the words “Jeonghan will never love you back” emblazoned on it in bold font. Because Jeonghan had a reputation as the campus playboy and was always dating someone else. And even if he wasn’t, Jeonghan had clearly told Seungcheol they were “great friends” (which had prompted him to immediately regret every time he’d laughed at friend-zone memes).

This was precisely why he’d consciously ignored all the posters plastered around the school about the upcoming spirit week. Seungcheol didn’t need yet another reminder he was perpetually single and forever pining over his (taken) best friend.

So he genuinely had no idea when Jeonghan asked if he’d heard about the Valentine’s Day party.

“We should go,” Jeonghan said as they walked together to their classroom. It was still early in the morning, the time of day when there were dewdrops in the foliage and a hazy sheen from the sunlight, which made Seungcheol feel as though he were looking at the world through an aesthetic filter. 

Jeonghan smiled softly at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling slightly as his lips curved up and Seungcheol found himself wishing for the umpteenth time that he hadn’t fallen in love with his best friend.

“Why would I? I’m single.”

“Haven’t you heard, Cheollie? They’re giving out free bubble tea at the Valentine’s Day party.”

“Okay, you’ve piqued my interest,” Seungcheol admitted. “Now I have to go to that party.”

“It’s for couples only.”

“Nevermind then. I am not going to that party.” But Jeonghan probably would. He’d go with whoever he was dating this week, exactly who didn’t matter to Seungcheol because it was never him. He’d go without him and leave Seungcheol behind.

Jeonghan laughed. “Giving up so easily? And here I thought you’d do anything for bubble tea.”

“Are you going, Jeonghan?” Seungcheol asked, trying to mask the curiosity in his voice. He failed spectacularly. He didn’t know why he bothered when Jeonghan was so perceptive and could read him like an open book. “Going to take this week’s flavour with you? What’s her name, Tuna?”

“Her name is Tina, and no, we broke up three days ago.”

Seungcheol counted on his fingers. “That makes it … two … three and a half weeks? That might be a new record for you.”

“I would’ve broken it off earlier, but I got swamped with tests.” There wasn’t a hint of regret in his voice and Seungcheol could only hope if they ever dated, he’d be different from all the other week-long flings Jeonghan had. He'd never admit it openly, but he wanted to be someone special to Jeonghan. Seungcheol wanted to be the person Jeonghan woke up to every day, the person he trusted all his secrets to, the person who would never fail to bring a smile to Jeonghan's face. He wanted to mean something to Jeonghan. 

Except he probably wasn't and would never be. It was arrogant of him to think he'd be special. So Seungcheol pushed the depressing thoughts to the side, as he did with most of his problems, and pretended everything was fine. “At the rate you’re going, is there a single girl in the university you haven’t dated yet?”

He shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to move on to boys then. If I want to go to that Valentine’s Day party.” Jeonghan paused, thoughtful. “Actually, why don’t you come with me? We can pretend to be a couple and sneak in. For the free bubble tea, of course.”

To Jeonghan, he wasn’t even worthy of being the week’s flavour. He was a last-minute substitute so the other could get free bubble tea instead of paying the five dollars. Seungcheol swallowed his pride and said, “Sure.”

When it came to Jeonghan, he’d take anything he could get. And he’d be grateful for all of it, even if it was all fake.

* * *

“So how does this work?” Seungcheol asked as soon as they got into class. The room was already teeming with students, some frantically flipping through notebooks and scribbling rapidly in an attempt to do last week’s homework in the two minutes before class began. They sat down next to each other in the back. He pulled out his notebooks and began arranging his school supplies to make it look like he was being productive.

Jeonghan, on the other hand, did nothing. He hadn’t even brought anything to take notes with. Seungcheol could only hope he’d achieve that level of I-don’t-give-a-fuck one day, but until then, he was doomed to caring just enough about his classes that he wanted a high mark, but not caring enough to actually put in the work for it, so he’d pretend and procrastinate and ultimately berate himself when he didn’t do well enough. This seemed to be a common theme in his life. He wanted things but not the work and risks that came with it. If he were braver, he might’ve asked Jeonghan out instead of simply pining over him.

“What do you mean? We’ll turn up on Friday and no one will be none the wiser.” Jeonghan twirled a pen absentmindedly while Seungcheol stared enviously and wished he knew how to make a pen do acrobatics on his fingers.

“No one’s going to believe that. We have to make it convincing.”

Jeonghan pursed his lips, thinking it over. “Change your Facebook relationship status. Post some pictures of me on your social media before the party. Use our photos from last week’s ski trip or the zombie escape room or our last year’s Christmas sleepover. I know we have pictures of us cuddling together, which is pretty couple-y if you ask me.”

The fact that Jeonghan remembered where and when they took pictures together made Seungcheol smile a little. His fears of being tossed aside were alleviated somewhat. If he couldn’t occupy a romantic spot in Jeonghan’s heart, it was comforting to know that he was a pleasant memory to the other, at the very least. That he wasn’t completely forgotten or worthless. Maybe Jeonghan didn’t love him back, but they were really good friends, right?

Jeonghan continued, “You can take them down after if you want.” 

He really didn’t. If they ever dated, he wanted to post cute couple pictures of them both as proof of their relationship and because Jeonghan was too damn cute. (In no way at all did Seungcheol want to post pictures because he wanted to show the world that Jeonghan was his and they should all back off or because he wanted a reminder for himself that Jeonghan had chosen him, deemed him worthy of love.)

“I can’t believe we’re doing all this just for bubble tea.”

“Well, it _is_ bubble tea.” Jeonghan smiled. “If anyone asks, I asked you out and the party is our first official date.”

“You don’t have the guts. I’m the one who asked.” The irony of his statements was not lost on him.

“Fine, but then you have to pretend you were head over heels in love with me.”

Seungcheol didn’t need to pretend. He already was.

* * *

Seungcheol returned from class feeling even more like a sack of shit than he usually did, which was saying something. After some excessive planning (and a brief scuffle), they agreed that he would pick up Jeonghan from his dorm tomorrow and they’d go to a cafe before walking to the party together.

To say Seungcheol was nervous was a gross understatement.

He rushed back to his dorm with all the elegance of a ton of bricks. As soon as he was inside and had locked the door, Seungcheol collapsed on his bed.

His roommate, Joshua, was sitting at his desk across the room, reading another one of his fantasy novels. (Seungcheol preferred literary fiction.)

Seungcheol took a deep breath. “I have a date with Jeonghan.”

“Finally!” Joshua set his book down. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. Where are you guys going?”

“It’s a fake date.”

Joshua frowned, confusion clouding his face. “What do you mean?”

Quietly, Seungcheol explained the deal he’d made with Jeonghan. When he finished, Joshua was staring at him with a vacant expression in his eyes. It was somehow a lot worse than the disappointment or anger he’d expected. At least then, Seungcheol knew what he was thinking, but now, Joshua just continued to look on, face devoid of any emotion. See, this was how he knew he’d fucked up. Even Joshua, the nicest person on earth, couldn’t sugarcoat his words and offer some encouraging advice.

At a long minute (which seemed to stretch into an hour for Seungcheol), Joshua clapped his hands and brought them up to his pursed lips. Seungcheol called it his scolding pose because he usually did it before he corrected someone on a dumb mistake.

“Just so we’re clear,” Joshua said, bringing his hands down and cocking his head, “you’re an idiot. And a coward.”

Seungcheol hung his head in shame.

“But,” he continued, “it’s not all bad. Use this opportunity to ask him out for real. You’re going to the cafe with him tomorrow, right? Tell him how you feel. Then go to the party as a real couple.”

“I can’t,” Seungcheol protested. He was a spineless coward. (But more so, he was content to observe from afar, to guard his feelings from Jeonghan because he knew he was defenceless against the other. Jeonghan could hurt him more than anyone else. So he stayed away, satisfied with basking from a distance, like a sunbather loving the sun, but never straying too close for fear of burning up. Jeonghan was the centre of his universe and he was one of the billions of insignificant specks that depended on him for life.)

“Why not?”

Seungcheol was beginning to think Joshua had never crushed on someone before because everyone knew the worst feeling in the world wasn’t the actual rejection itself, but the thought of it. “What if he rejects me? I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

“He could reject you. But he could also say he loves you back. You won’t ever know unless you actually ask.”

“I’m don’t want to take that risk.” Seungcheol sat down on his bed and swung his feet, kicking Joshua’s chair lightly. “I’m okay with just dating him in my mind.” Imagined dalliances never disappointed him, let him indulge all his fanciful notions, and while they involved Jeonghan, they never troubled him. It was a wonderful compromise. Seungcheol could’ve continued dating him in his head forever if it weren’t for his stupid heart (and the fact that it was, admittedly, quite creepy).

Joshua considered his words. Then he asked, “But will you be happy with just that?” When Seungcheol didn’t say anything, he continued, “I thought so. Look, nothing good will come out of repressing your feelings. You need to talk to Jeonghan. Or else you’ll only end up hurting both him and yourself.”

“Are you sure? I’ve been repressing my feelings for a while now, and I’m still fine.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Joshua grumbled, tossing a wad of paper Seungcheol’s way. “So go ask him out. For real. If you don’t do it before your fake date, he might actually think you’re only interested in him as a friend and you’ll never get another chance.”

Seungcheol tried to imagine how Jeonghan would react if he asked him out after their fake date. He’d probably be pissed off. Though that same result could easily be achieved if Seungcheol threw away their friendship for his own selfish feelings.

But then there was a small voice, his conscience (or as Seungcheol liked to call it, the tiny Joshua that lived in his head), telling him it was okay to be selfish to be once. That he could have this one thing he so craved. 

“Besides, I have a feeling Jeonghan likes you too.”

And just like that, Seungcheol felt himself perk up, eager for even the tiniest morsel of hope. “What makes you say that?” 

Joshua smiled mysteriously. “Just trust me on this.”

“Okay, fine, you win.” Seungcheol sighed in resignation. “I’ll ask him out but if he turns me down, I’m going to be emotionally damaged for the rest of my life and you’ll have to pay for my ice cream therapy.”

“Right, what are best friends for?”

* * *

12:32 AM

**Jeonghan:** hey cheollie

**Seungcheol:** what do you want

**Jeonghan:** play league pls

**Seungcheol** : ffs child

 **Seungcheol:** we gotta be up early tmrw

**Jeonghan:** play league

 **Jeonghan:** now

 **Jeonghan:** or else i hurt u

**Seungcheol:** fine im coming

**Jeonghan:** :D

12:52 AM

**Jeonghan:** U SUCK

 **Jeonghan:** HOW DID U DIE SO FAST

 **Jeonghan:** UR ACTUALLY WORSE THAN BOTS

**Seungcheol:** stfu

 **Seungcheol:** i tried ok

 **Seungcheol:** that’s all that matters

**Jeonghan:** theres no diff bwtn ur trying and not trying

 **Jeonghan:** so just stop trying

**Seungcheol:** bruh u asked me to play

 **Seungcheol:** should I stop playing then???

 **Seungcheol:** asshole

**Jeonghan:** …

 **Jeonghan:** no

 **Jeonghan:** keep playing 

**Jeonghan:** just play better

 **Jeonghan:** cause ur actually so bad

 **Jeonghan:** how have u not improved at all in a span of six months

**Seungcheol:** find someone else better to play w then

**Jeonghan:** T^T

 **Jeonghan:** but i want youuuuuuuuu

**Seungcheol:** :P

 **Seungcheol:** better suck it up then

 **Seungcheol:** and accept my horrible playing

**Jeonghan:** k

 **Jeonghan:** _Emu Dancing to DOPE by BTS_

**Seungcheol:** wtf

**Jeonghan:** watch it

 **Jeonghan:** it’s super funny

 **Jeonghan:** lolol 

**Seungcheol:** r u high

 **Seungcheol:** where tf did u find this

**Jeonghan:** youtube 

**Jeonghan:** :P

 **Jeonghan:** duh

**Seungcheol:** ok sorry

 **Seungcheol:** HOW did you find this

 **Seungcheol:** and WHY

 **Seungcheol:** did u feel the need to share it w me

**Jeonghan:** it’s an EMU

 **Jeonghan:** DANCING

 **Jeonghan:** great art must be shared

**Seungcheol:** …

 **Seungcheol:** it’s 1 AM i don’t have time for this shit

 **Seungcheol:** im going to sleep

 **Seungcheol:** bye

**Jeonghan:** nO

 **Jeonghan:** come back

 **Jeonghan:** watch the video pretty please

 **Jeonghan:** watch it asdjlsfjkslafhsd

 **Jeonghan:** WATCH IT 

**Jeonghan:** WATCH IT 

**Jeonghan:** WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT WATCH IT

**Seungcheol:** send one more text I dare you

**Jeonghan:** :P

**Seungcheol:** go to SLEEP

**Jeonghan:** ok boomer

**Seungcheol:** … r u srs

 **Seungcheol:** oh well

 **Seungcheol:** good night :)

**Jeonghan:** night dad

**Seungcheol:** for the last time

 **Seungcheol:** WE ARE THE SAME AGE

**Jeonghan:** ok grandpa

 **Jeonghan:** whatever u say

**Seungcheol:** >:(

**Jeonghan:** :3

2:34 AM

**Jeonghan:** I have to admit

 **Jeonghan:** many mistakes were made

 **Jeonghan:** for me to get here

2:47 AM

**Jeonghan:** i see ur a reasonable person and have gone to sleep at a reasonable hour

 **Jeonghan:** icic

 **Jeonghan:** how nice that must be

 **Jeonghan:** being reasonable

 **Jeonghan:** well, i am not reasonable

 **Jeonghan:** which is why I’m still up

 **Jeonghan:** but now im going to be reasonable and sleep

3:21 AM

**Jeonghan:** ok I am going to sleep for real now

* * *

By the time the next day came, Seungcheol was greatly regretting his decision to confess to Jeonghan. Suddenly, all the confidence he’d mustered last night had dissipated. 

He spent nearly an hour figuring out what to wear on their pretend date. After trying on every garment in his tiny closet, he ended up with pretty much the same outfit he’d originally tried on. A simple combination of a white dress shirt and black jeans, which Joshua had chosen for him.

“You’ll be fine,” Joshua said, patting him on the back. “Just act natural and don’t overthink it. Good luck!”

“I’ll need it,” Seungcheol muttered. He grabbed his bag and left. He was so nervous he nearly ran into the doorframe on the way out.

Jeonghan lived across campus (because the universe was intent on separating them) in a dorm on the top floor. There was no elevator (again, the universe hated Seungcheol) and so he had to walk up a long flight of stairs. By the time he arrived at Jeonghan’s door, his thighs were sore. Visiting Jeonghan probably gave him more exercise than his actual workouts. 

He knocked on the door and a moment later, Jeonghan opened it. He was wearing a pink sweater, his hair tied in a low ponytail. All in all, he looked too cute and definitely too good for Seungcheol, who probably looked like a flaming mess despite the effort he’d put into his outfit.

“You’re overdressed,” Jeonghan said, pointing to his dress shirt. “The party’s not a formal event. Why do you look like you’re going to church, old man?”

In retrospect, Seungcheol probably shouldn’t have let Joshua, the poster child of the church and all things holy, pick his clothes, but it was too late to regret it now. “It looks good on me. And stop calling me old, I’m only a few months older than you.”

Jeonghan locked his door. He made a beeline for the stairs, descending down them quickly with practiced steps. “Cheollie, how can you walk with those pants on? If you put a credit card in your pocket, I bet I could read the numbers on it. That’s how tight it is.”

“They’re not that tight,” Seungcheol complained, as he struggled to keep up with Jeonghan’s pace. Since he’d just climbed up the stairs, his legs were killing him. When they made it to the bottom, he was panting. Apparently, daily workouts had nothing on stairs.

“Don’t push yourself too hard, old man,” Jeonghan snickered. “Can’t have your back giving out.”

“Coming from you? The guy who sprained his back sleeping on the sofa?” Seungcheol caught up to him and together they headed for the campus Starbucks, which was located right next to the library (so broke students could waste their money on overpriced coffee only to spill it on a library book later). 

“We don’t talk about that.”

“No, we don’t. Which is why I texted it to the group chat.”

Jeonghan pretended to be scandalized. “Oh no. Now everyone knows about my poor health conditions. My biggest secret is out.”

“You do have pretty shitty health,” Seungcheol grumbled. “I’d tell you to take better care of yourself, but you never listen to me. Can you at least have the decency to sleep on a proper bed?”

“No, I love back pain. How dare you infringe on my right to injure myself?”

They laughed together as they kept walking side by side. At some point, the wind blew through their hair, ruffling their clothes and sending chills down their spines. Seungcheol shivered and rubbed his arms together, wishing he’d brought a coat. Another gust of wind swept over them, enveloping them in the bitter cold of winter mornings. Jeonghan stepped to the side, bumping into Seungcheol and stumbling slightly, losing his footing. 

Seungcheol’s hands dashed out to support him. He grabbed his arm and steadied him, and it wasn’t until Jeonghan was staring pointedly at his arm that Seungcheol realized they were essentially holding hands. With the crisp wind swirling around them, the point of contact between their hands felt incredibly hot.

Seungcheol flushed and pulled his hand back. “Sorry. Did I grab your arm too hard?”

“No, it’s okay,” Jeonghan said, eyes trained on his face, searching for something hidden within Seungcheol’s eyes. His attention was a drug and Seungcheol was wholly addicted. “I’m fine. My hands were just kind of cold with all this wind.”

“Yeah, me too.” Slowly, tantalizingly, Seungcheol slipped his hand back into Jeonghan’s. “We should’ve brought jackets. So we wouldn’t have to bother with this.”

“Right.” Jeonghan smiled, his mouth drawn into a tight line. 

Hesitantly, Seungcheol tightened his hold on Jeonghan’s hand and felt his heart speed up a bit. As they walked down the street to the cafe, with a breeze blowing in their faces and their hands clasped together, he could almost pretend they were on a date. 

The leaves on the trees around them fluttered from the wind, and students walked past, far enough so he couldn’t hear the words they were saying, but close enough for him to hear their laughter rising over the wind. The sun peeked out behind a splatter of grey clouds, casting mellow rays over the pavement and through the branches of trees. It was early in the morning and the sun had barely risen, so its light shone directly into their eyes, forcing them to squint or look away at each other. Seungcheol chose to look at Jeonghan but he looked away. He wondered if it was a prophecy of some sort.

“Let’s hurry up and get inside,” said Jeonghan. “I’m going to freeze to death.”

They entered the Starbucks and found their usual table tucked away in the corner. Jeonghan sat down, rubbing his hands and blowing into them while Seungcheol went to order. He returned with an iced caramel macchiato for Jeonghan and simple black coffee for himself.

“See, this is why I call you an old man.” Jeonghan grimaced at the sight of his coffee. “Because you drink hideous, bitter contraptions like that.”

“I just bought you a drink and the first thing you do is insult my taste in coffee? Whoever raised you really taught you good manners.”

Jeonghan took a long sip of his macchiato, then said, “It’s how I show my gratitude.”

“You don’t have any right to complain about my drinks when you’re drinking that in the middle of winter.”

Jeonghan raised his macchiato. “This? What’s wrong with this?”

“It’s iced! Your insides are going to freeze.”

“Some of us can withstand a wider range of temperatures, old man.”

“I’m not old, you’re just unhealthy.”

As they finished their drinks, Seungcheol pulled a book out of his bag. He’d barely read four pages before Jeonghan asked, “What are you reading?”

“A Little Life.” Seungcheol showed him the grey cover.

“That’s a really fat book.”

“Perfect for your fatass then.”

Jeonghan kicked his chair.

“Oh wait, but you don’t read.” Seungcheol shook his head. “Disgusting. I can’t believe I associate with such a blockhead.”

“Your books are boring and sad,” Jeonghan countered. “They’re a waste of time.”

“You did not just say that.”

Jeonghan raised his chin, expression smug. “So what if I did? What are you going to do?”

“I’m not going to edit your papers anymore.”

Jeonghan gasped loudly. “No, Seungcheol, you have to help me. Otherwise, the professor might fail me for being illiterate.”

“That's what you deserve. Anyone who can read can see that A Little Life is a masterpiece. You’re clearly illiterate.”

“That’s why I need you to write my papers for me,” Jeonghan explained, grinning. 

“Sure. That’ll be a hundred dollars per page.”

Jeonghan dissolved into laughter, throwing his head back and wrapping his arms around his stomach. Seungcheol followed in suit, chuckling ever so slightly. He liked moments like these, he really did, with nothing but the scent of coffee wafting in their noses and the sound of cheerful laughter ringing in their ears. He drank up these sweet moments like a man dying of thirst. They made him feel as though everything was fine. For someone who rarely ever felt that way, it was a blessing to even pretend. Seungcheol was almost happy, as he could pretend they were dating while simultaneously playing the part of the good friend that Jeonghan wanted. It was the beauty, and sadness, of compromise. He had one foot on land, one foot in the water, but in the end, he was never really happy with where he stood.

“By the way,” Jeonghan said, reaching into his bag, rummaging and searching for something. He produced a stuffed notebook, it’s pages frayed and thick with meaning. He flipped it open to a single, broken flower pressed in the centre of the page. (Seungcheol found it rather sad that he related to it.) “I have another flower to show you.”

It was practically a tradition between them at this point. Jeonghan brought him flowers, not because he loved him, but because he liked talking about them and Seungcheol liked to listen. (To Jeonghan, not facts about flowers.) It was how he knew that irises were perennial or that there were between four to five hundred species of violets or that the oldest rose was believed to be a thousand years old. Jeonghan whispered the words like they were secrets and Seungcheol clung to them as though they were prayers.

Seungcheol raised an eyebrow. “Stealing from work again?”

“It’s not stealing if a customer paid for it and then dropped it on the ground.”

Seungcheol closed his book and returned it to his bag. “So what kind of flower is it?”

“It’s a primrose,” said Jeonghan. “They’re edible and can be used as a sedative.”

“I do hope you didn’t pick that up because you’re planning on drugging someone.”

Jeonghan smiled wickedly. “I already poisoned your drink. It’s too late now, Cheollie. Your sad life is coming to an end at last.”

“Oh no! The poison! It’s kicking in! How could you do this to me?” Seungcheol grabbed at his neck and pretended to be choking. “I thought we were friends, Jeonghan!”

“Anyway, they can also be used in ointments for wrinkles and acne. Isn’t that cool?”

“Is that why you stole it? To fix your wrinkles?”

“My skin is perfectly fine. See?” Jeonghan took his hand and placed it against his cheek. Seungcheol felt his own face heat in response and before he could turn into a ripe tomato, he pinched Jeonghan’s cheek and patted it lightly.

“So what do primroses represent?” Seungcheol asked. This was another thing Jeonghan liked to ramble on about, the language of flowers. The deeper meanings of ordinary, dull objects. Because that was what humans liked to do, right? Take plain, unworthy objects and instill them with some semblance of significance.

“Youth or young love. Red ones mean unappreciated merit and lilac ones mean confidence. Anyway, I wanted to give this to you.” Jeonghan handed him the pink primrose. “It reminds me of you. It’s old and broken.” He waved the flower, causing it to flop around.

“Gee, thanks.” Seungcheol accepted it. He was surprised but tried not to let it show. Jeonghan had shown him plenty of flowers before, though he’d never given him one. Seungcheol tried not to let his mind ponder the intentions behind the gift. Instead, he joked, “Glad to know I wasn’t the only one who saw the resemblance between me and this flower that no one wanted.”

“Well, I picked it up and took it home, so it’s okay. Someone cares enough about you not to let you rot on the floor.” Jeonghan shifted his chair closer to Seungcheol’s, so they were sitting side by side. Their shoulders nearly touched and Seungcheol was acutely aware of the fact that if Jeonghan cocked his head, he would’ve been leaning on his shoulder. 

Jeonghan was looking at him like he was an enigma he couldn’t quite decipher, like Seungcheol’s expression was a piece of text he was trying to glean information from. After a long moment of silence, Jeonghan said, “I have another video to show you.”

“What is it now?”

“The dancing emu,” said Jeonghan, opening his phone and searching up a video on YouTube. “It also danced to Taemin’s Drip Drop.” He shoved the screen in Seungcheol’s face.

“Why,” he asked, “do you find this interesting?” Distantly, Seungcheol wondered if he had to dress up as a fat, flightless bird and dance to obnoxious songs for Jeonghan to look directly at him and see him for who he truly was. He hoped he didn’t need to do that to get Jeonghan’s attention. (But would he be willing to, if it meant Jeonghan would date him? Yes.)

“It’s a dancing bird! How can it not be interesting?”

Seungcheol stared as the bird on screen flapped around awkwardly, barely matching the tune of Drip Drop in the background. “How did they even get the bird to move like that?”

“Dunno. Maybe they threatened it or gave it food or something.” Jeonghan shrugged and focused on the video.

Seungcheol let his gaze linger on Jeonghan for a moment, taking in every detail of his features, before turning to the phone once again so the other wouldn’t notice. But every so often, his eyes flickered to Jeonghan, seemingly of their own volition. 

His dyed blonde hair, under the dim sunlight streaming in through the cafe’s tinted windows, had a slightly golden glint to it. Jeonghan watched the video with rapt interest, his lips tugging up into a smile, a fire in his eyes, a single-minded determination which was usually reserved for when he was working on a project in the computer lab. It was stupid to be jealous of a phone, and yet Seungcheol couldn’t resist the bitterness flooding his veins. Would Jeonghan ever look at him as though he was the only thing that mattered in the world? Would anyone?

In moments like this, when his mild longing transformed into a rapacious hunger, Seungcheol was truly a moth to a flame, circling around Jeonghan, grasping at him with covetous hands, even if he was always out of reach. He was the moth to Jeonghan’s flame and there was no light waiting for him at the end of the tunnel, only a blazing conflagration that would destroy him entirely. The implausibility of a fruitful relationship only spurred him on. Logically, Seungcheol knew he couldn’t have Jeonghan and that any relationship of theirs could only end horribly, but his heart was a stupid thing and it was solely fixated on the slim chance he had with Jeonghan, small and insignificant as it was. Perhaps that was the magic of it, the tiny bit of hope which made it far more torturous than being wholly and completely shut down. With that glimmer of hope, Seungcheol could imagine and fantasize, only for all his dreams to descend into madness, plagued by insecurity and cowardice. Then that hope would return, leading him into another cycle of soul-crushing pain. The hope that Jeonghan gave him was nothing but bait and Seungcheol would take the whole thing, hook, line, and sinker. 

He could practically hear Joshua’s voice in his head, scolding him for being such a coward and urging him to confess already.

“That was hilarious,” Jeonghan said and dimly, Seungcheol registered that the video had finished and Jeonghan was probably expecting his thoughts on it.

“Yeah, it was.” He swallowed and decided to simply go for it. “Jeonghan, can I ask you something? Before we go to this party and pretend we’re a fake couple? It’s really important.”

Jeonghan rounded on him immediately, eyes wide and expression full of expectation. He leaned forward eagerly. “Yes?”

And just that smile, the thought of never seeing it again made him falter. Because when all was said and done, Seungcheol could dream big, but he was a coward at heart. It was one of his fundamental qualities. “Um, do you want to get a snack before we leave?”

Jeonghan’s expression twisted in confusion and he sat back in his seat again. “Oh, sure.” The disappointment in his voice was palpable. “I’ll, um, go buy something. You wait here.” He stood up, clearly agitated, and left for the counter.

Seungcheol found himself left at the table, alone with the video of the dancing emu playing in the background. The bird pirouetted and fell flat on its face.

“Yeah,” said Seungcheol. “Me too.”

* * *

The party was set up in the gymnasium, filled to the brim with streamers, balloons, and obnoxiously happy couples. The yellow-stained walls were decorated with ribbons in varying shades of red, white, and pink, which was a huge eyesore. Whereas it’d been freezing outside, the inside of the gymnasium was too hot and humid, like a greenhouse. A greenhouse with annoying people who never shut up and took every opportunity to bump into you instead of peaceful, calming plants.

Case in point, he and Jeonghan had to link arms to avoid being separated by the mass of people. To make matters worse, cheesy romance songs blared from a loudspeaker, effectively preventing any communication between them.

Jeonghan dragged him through the throngs of people to the centre of the room. Here, the music was even louder and a circle had been cleared for people to dance. Jeonghan shouted something that Seungcheol couldn’t quite hear over the music, but judging by his hand motions, he wanted him to dance.

Seungcheol shook his head and backed off. He couldn’t dance. Technically, he could move his limbs in tune with the music, but he couldn’t dance in a way that was coordinated or pretty. Not like Jeonghan, who could make it look nice. He stepped back, blending in with the crowd of onlookers, while Jeonghan began dancing.

It wasn’t fair. Jeonghan was an engineering major, who’d probably graduate with a stable job and a good salary. He had lots of friends, actual dating experience and fun hobbies, like dancing and making floral arrangements. He was way too good for Seungcheol, whose only skills were talking too much and writing depressing thoughts no one would ever read.

Soon, Jeonghan returned to his side, trying yet again to convince him to dance. Seungcheol attempted to turn him down, but Jeonghan just wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him out of the crowd.

Seungcheol let himself stumble forward, his hands automatically falling to Jeonghan’s waist. He let himself be swept up by Jeonghan, by his piercing gaze, and the feeling of his hands on Seungcheol’s hip and shoulder, which played a beguiling melody of sensations on his skin.

They twirled across the floor. (Or more accurately Jeonghan did, Seungcheol was simply along for the ride, as always.) In the crowded room, Seungcheol found himself pressed to Jeonghan, chest to chest. At that point, he was sure his face resembled a tomato, from both embarrassment and the humidity of the room. It took all his effort not to tear away and run.

Then Jeonghan shifted slightly, imperceptibly, and he bumped noses with Seungcheol. They remained motionless, staring into each other’s eyes. Somehow, despite looking into his eyes, Seungcheol couldn’t discern what Jeonghan was thinking at all. Meanwhile, Seungcheol wore his heart on his sleeve. It was a mystery how Jeonghan hadn’t yet figured out that Seungcheol was in love with him. 

Or maybe he did know. 

Maybe Jeonghan was purposely ignoring his feelings, pretending they didn’t exist because he didn’t reciprocate said feelings. If that were the case, Seungcheol would be happy to play pretend with him, to accept the role he’d been given and play the part of a supportive friend to the fullest, even as his own feelings were pushed to the side and eventually shoved against a wall, broken, shattered, and ground to dust. Because he wanted the other more than he wanted his own happiness. So he arranged his facial features into a smile, ignoring how superficial and unnatural it felt, schooling his muscles into the expression his audience wanted to see. Because Seungcheol’s life was a show, his body a puppet, and his purpose to play until he broke.

“Do you want to get our bubble tea now? So we can leave soon.”

Jeonghan’s mouth quirked up on one side, a lopsided half-smile that didn’t look quite right. Like it was built by an alien who knew all the components of a smile but didn’t quite understand the emotion behind one. “Sure. If you’re that eager to leave.”

“It’s too hot in here.”

“Right,” Jeonghan said, his voice clipped. “Too hot.”

They made their way to the table distributing bubble tea and got in line behind a ton of people. After getting their bubble tea (coconut for him and matcha for Jeonghan), they looked for a table only to be stopped by a girl.

“Jeonghan?” Tina was standing in front of them, holding hands with Jon, this guy Seungcheol had seen before in his English class.

“Hey Tina,” said Jeonghan, “how are you?”

“Good,” she said tersely. “So who are you here with? Who’s the lucky girl?”

Jeonghan pulled him to his side. “Seungcheol.”

Tina’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second. Then, she flashed a saccharine sweet smile and asked, “So when did you two start dating?”

“This week,” Seungcheol lied. “I asked Jeonghan to be my date for Valentine’s.”

“Right. Have you two kissed then?”

“Of course,” Jeonghan laughed and Seungcheol wanted to punch him. He didn’t need to be a genius to know where Tina was going with her questions.

“Really?” Tina raised an eyebrow, clearly doubtful.

Jeonghan turned to him, eyes expectant and Seungcheol automatically recoiled.

“Come on,” he said, trying to play it off as a joke and ignoring the pain in his heart. He stepped back, his hands placed in front of his chest. “Let’s not do this in front of so many people.”

“What’s the problem?” Tina demanded. “It’s just a kiss, right?”

“Come on, Seungcheol,” Jeonghan urged. “It’s just a kiss, nothing more.”

Seungcheol bit his lip as sadness welled up inside of him, fighting to keep his tears from flowing.

Was that all it was to him? One kiss out of thousands. Nothing special, nothing memorable, nothing _more_ , as he’d just said.

Meanwhile, he couldn’t count the number of times he’d imagined this. He’d dreamed about this moment countless times, during sleepless nights, boring classes, and every time Jeonghan flashed that soft smile at him. He’d always thought they’d kiss on their first date. In a quiet cafe, whispering about the odd orders of the random passerby; on the sidewalk, sharing an umbrella in the rain, jumping to the side as cars rushed by and sent a wave of rainwater up; in the mountain trails next to their university, hiking halfway and giving up because Jeonghan couldn’t take the heat anymore; in the kitchen, laughing as they tried to cook and barely avoided burning the house down; in his dorm, playing a board game and Jeonghan would cheat because that was how he was and Seungcheol loved him for it.

And now it was finally happening. Only he was on the verge of tears, they weren’t dating, and Jeonghan didn’t love him. In fact, Jeonghan didn’t care at all.

Seungcheol broke.

“I’m sorry,” he gasped. “I have to go.”

Then before he could even think about what he was doing, he turned on his heel and sprinted out of the gymnasium. Seungcheol didn’t stop running until he had reached his dorm where he could throw himself onto his bed and cry into a pillow.

* * *

Seungcheol spent the weekend pretending to be sick in order to avoid Jeonghan at all costs. He didn’t answer his calls or texts and refused to meet up with him in person.

When lessons started again, he walked to class by himself and sat far away from Jeonghan, making sure all the seats around him were taken so he wouldn’t even have the chance to sit next to Seungcheol.

And he would’ve continued down that path too if it weren’t for Joshua.

When Seungcheol was crying one evening, rewatching his favourite episodes from _Story of Yanxi Palace_ , Joshua finally confronted him about the whole Jeonghan fiasco. He closed Seungcheol’s laptop, sat down in front of him and told him they’d need to have a little talk.

Seungcheol promptly shoved a pillow in his face and grumbled, “I don’t want to talk right now.”

“This isn’t healthy, you know.”

“What, our nonexistent relationship? I’m aware, Joshua.”

“I meant you and your pining. Clearly, you’re not happy with just being his friend. Either ask him out or cut off the friendship.”

Seungcheol dropped his pillow. “I can’t do that! Jeonghan’s my best friend.”

“Then stop moping and accept that you’re just friends. But you can’t, can you?”

He hated when Joshua was right. “But what am I supposed to do about it now? Ask him out after I ran away from him? I’m already avoiding him, aren’t I? That counts as cutting off our friendship, so leave me alone.”

“You need to have a serious talk.”

“No!” Seungcheol shoved himself back into the pillow. “I can’t talk to him.”

Joshua frowned in confusion, motioning for him to continue talking.

“He’ll want to know why I got so upset and then I’ll have to explain my feelings. Let me avoid my problems, goddamnit.”

Joshua took a moment to process his words, then asked, “Have you ever considered the possibility that Jeonghan might be in love with you as well?”

“No, why would I think that?”

“Well, you two do spend a lot of time together and you’re very close.”

“That’s because we’re best friends.”

“Even for best friends, you two are a bit over the top. You guys are always together and you know everything about each other. Seriously, you two don’t go anywhere without the other.”

“That’s what best friends do.”

“But he buys you drinks and gives you flowers! He invited you to sleep over at his dorm! And he doesn’t do any of those things with me, even though we’re friends.”

“That’s just because we’re best friends and I’ve known him for longer.”

Joshua’s eye twitched. “Are you an idiot?”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I already know I can’t date him, so I’d rather not have him hate me as well.”

“Answer the question.”

“No. I’m being rational.”

Joshua let out a long sigh and muttered, “Then why can’t you see that Jeonghan likes you too?”

Seungcheol blinked, surprised. “He does?”

“Yes!” Joshua groaned, tugging at his hair in aggravation. “He likes you, you like him, so could you guys please just fuck already? My sanity can’t take it anymore.”

Seungcheol didn’t reply, too preoccupied with the thought of Jeonghan returning his feelings.

“But if you’re going to fuck, make sure you do it in his room. You’re not allowed to fuck in our room, you got that? Otherwise, I’ll evict you.”

“So … do you think he’ll date me? Like, for real?”

“Jesus,” Joshua said, “you’re an idiot. Thank god, you’re friends with me and I can act as your common sense.”

“Are you sure he likes me back? In a romantic way?”

Joshua pulled at his face and ground. He stared at the ceiling, hands extended in what Seungcheol was pretty sure was a prayer. “I’m not absolutely certain, but I’m pretty darn sure. Have you seen the way he looks at you? Please, for the sake of my sanity, ask him out. Or at least, talk to him and tell him the truth.”

Seungcheol opened his laptop. “I’ll get to that after I finish this episode.”

“No,” Joshua said sternly. “You’ve avoided it for long enough. You’re going to talk to him now.”

Seungcheol turned his laptop on and unpaused the video.

“If you won’t tell Jeonghan about your feelings for him, I will.”

Seungcheol closed the tab. “I hate you.”

“I’m just trying to do what’s good for you.”

* * *

After Joshua threatened to expose him, Seungcheol had no choice but to talk things out with Jeonghan. He texted the other, asking him to meet him outside the library.

When he got there, Jeonghan was already waiting underneath a tree, hands clasped behind his back. His face was ruddy from the chilly wind. 

Rain fell softly on the pebbled grounds of the campus, the droplets seeping into the soil as soon as they hit the ground. Seungcheol raised his hands above his head and trudged under the branches of the oak tree.

Jeonghan didn’t greet him. Instead, he stared at the ground as he asked, “What did you want to talk about?”

“I’m sorry,” Seungcheol blurted on instinct. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?” Jeonghan’s voice was raspy, probably from running here.

“I can’t—we can’t be friends anymore.” The words felt wrong on his tongue. There was so much he wanted to say, a jumble of thoughts and feelings in his head, but when he spoke, it came out all wrong, like the wrong pieces of a puzzle being forced to fit.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to—I don’t think this is healthy.” Seungcheol had been staring at his chest to avoid eye contact, but now he couldn’t even stand looking at Jeonghan. “I like you. And not just as a friend. As something more. But you don’t like me, so that’s ok—”

“No, wait! It’s not like I hate you or something!” His words were oddly high pitched. After a bit of stuttering, he settled on, “I don’t not like you.”

Was Jeonghan taking pity on him now? “That’s nice, Jeonghan, but you only like me as a friend, so there’s no need to pretend.” 

“No, I meant that—that …” Jeonghan scratched his head awkwardly. “I was really surprised, that’s all. Do you actually like me?”

“Yes.” Seungcheol lowered his head, staring at the mossy roots of the tree and counting the mushroom stumps to distract himself from the situation he was in. “Please don’t make me say it again.”

“What?” Jeonghan reached for his arm and instinctively, Seungcheol stepped back, wanting to avoid physical contact at all costs. “Why not? Why are you running away from me? You can’t do that!” Jeonghan let his arm fall. He took a step towards Seungcheol, sorrow lacing his voice. “Not again.”

“Don’t you get it?” Seungcheol yelled, tearing his eyes from the floor. “Do you want me to spell it out for you? We can’t be friends anymore because I’m a horrible, selfish person who went and fell in love with you.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he felt guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you feel responsible. We can be friends in the future, maybe. But I can’t be near you right now. Not because of you, of course. I … I just need some time with myself and my feelings.”

“Just … just listen to me for a minute, would you?”

Seungcheol nodded and gestured for him to continue, wondering if this conversation could possibly get any more uncomfortable. 

“Let me get this straight. You like me, right?”

Was Seungcheol delusional or did Jeonghan sound a bit hopeful? Either way, he nodded in confirmation. 

“Well, uh …” Jeonghan trailed off, looking up to the sky, “Maybe I like you too. As more than a friend.”

Seungcheol’s jaw dropped and Jeonghan, as if sensing his surprise, waved his hands frantically. “But I didn’t know you were interested in me! That’s why I never said anything. So, now that I know … uh … ,” Jeonghan took a deep breath, “will you go out with me?”

Seungcheol yelled at himself to say something, but he couldn’t. He could only stand and stare and berate himself for being so stupid. He was an idiot, an idiot who’d caused a boatload of unnecessary turmoil and suffering all because he’d refused to behave like a mature adult and have a proper conversation. (In Seungcheol’s defence though, no university student was a mature adult.)

“Seungcheol?”

Somehow the only words he could muster were, “Holy shit, Joshua was right?”

Jeonghan frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“He said you liked me! And I didn’t believe him, but he was right. You _do_ want to date me.”

“Yes? So will you? Date me, I mean.”

“”No!” Seungcheol clapped a hand over his mouth. “I—I mean, yes! Yes, I—I really want to! Please forget what I said earlier, that was a mistake!”

Jeonghan laughed and spread his arms wide. “You idiot, you had me worried for a minute there.”

Seungcheol jumped at him, probably a tad too enthusiastically, and hugged Jeonghan. With his face tucked in the other's neck, he whispered, “So, are we boyfriends now?”

“Yes, you dork. We’re boyfriends.”

“Okay then, don’t be surprised if I scream or faint.” He was definitely overreacting a little, but then Jeonghan wrapped his arms around him and Seungcheol found that he didn’t care at all.

* * *

3:50 PM

**Seungcheol:** you were right

**Joshua:** hA

 **Joshua:** I knew you two were head over heels for each other

**Seungcheol:** thanks :D

 **Seungcheol:** where would i be without you TT

**Joshua:** that’s right

 **Joshua:** I’m the captain of this ship

 **Joshua:** so…

 **Joshua:** now that I’ve helped you get a date, can you edit my essay?

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanna say that primroses also mean I can’t live without you so ya my mans Jeonghan really said that with a flower and Seungcheol was too stupid to search it up
> 
> (psst doyzee, I think your love of brackets is rubbing off on me?)


End file.
